Titanic - WInslet Tit for Tat-ic. A SEQUEL?! A hint of Capitalism and the ever so iconic James Cameron. Really?
Alright, thought i'd get back into the swing of things and begin blogging again.
One of the main reasons beeing is that my speling is apauling.
That will be the only crap joke of this affair, believe it.
It is all that has been in circulation on the Social Networking demonic this past week and has now eventually reached the print press and the television. It's Titanic - in my eyes the beautiful tragedy, such a breathtaking structure involved in what can only be described as one of the most tragic incidents excluding the dual World Wars that we will ever hear of. If only the Greek Empire were around to witness these encounters. I am sure that Zeus would certainly stick up his thumb as if he was hitching a ride to "Meh-he-co."
(Edit: Okay, maybe I lied about it being the only joke)
A couple of McVities finest Digestives and a mug of Kenco later and I see that we are a few days prior to the centennial anniversary of the Titanic incident.
What I may say at this current time is possibly not the Peoples Choice this week. However, please read on. I believe that the release of Titanic back into the cinema-houses may be one of the worst James Cameron decisions that has ever been made. (Well, other than the decision to release Avatar - which is the highest grosser at the box office we have ever seen. Yet it has no spinal narrative, only one mans vision after spurning copious amounts of acid on a daily basis. )
On a serious note though, I do have several reasons for why I am against such an atrocity.
I would also just like to mention that I did enjoy the first release of this film back in 1997, even though it is rather sensationalised. So people, don't start throwing your desk cacti at my already severely distorted face.
Okay so first off the bat, who really wants to see Kate Winslets pert Everests in Three Dimensions? Holy fuck I have heard about abstract art, but this just takes structuralism to an entire new level. What appears to be a film about the Titanic all of a sudden becomes a documentary about the pyramids as soon as Winslet gets her kit off, thus forth confusing the entire fucking audience and building up hopes that they will indeed see the Pharaoh riding on the boat. But but if at least not Pharaoh maybe a fucking cat? No fucking cat.......Alright then.
Secondly, this man is making a lot of fucking money. Again, this man is making a lot of fucking money. Now I am all for Capitalism moreso than communism. But he is getting all this revenue - from may I add your hard earned pounds and pence, to re-iterate a story that has been told before. But this time will take the same characteristics of the world-renowned sequel Titanic II.
What?
Yes, that's right. They made a sequel to Titanic. Some B-Lister director who is the son of great actor Dick Van Dyke had the greatest idea to direct a sequel (he also stars the lead role. 3 Letters - EGO.) Heres the kicker narrative - The boat sets sail in Apr 2012, and then WOOP-de-DOOP fucking sinks. Great fucking story Shane Van Dyke. I'll call up the Queen. You deserve an OBE.
Titanic 3D has about the same merit of it's "much loved" sequel. At no point when management were re-mastering the footage from the original movie, can any of that management say they were thinking about the story. It's all about the razz-ma-tazz these days and I am fucking fed up of people idolising Michael Bay. Titanic 3D takes the dearest of memories and stories that are held by many families (including my family) and are now commercialising it - in order to make a few bob before the price of oil goes up in America.
Cameron - you're a fucking disgrace. For you to say that you are inspired by the works of Stan Kubrick makes me chuckle more than anything. Because I know that if SK was still alive - he would be taking a big streaky piss all over your film that you have in my books - just buried at the bottom of the ocean.
Rant Over. Thanks for reading.
WINSLET FOR PHaRAOH.
